Welcome! Become Moe is a easy to follow guide for anyone born male that is looking to present femme, either part-time or full-time. Most of the information here is from top-tier crossdressers in the cosplay community and trans girls who are stealth, all published anonymously. The goal is to help people find their inner moe, and bring more cute girls into the world!

This guide is a WIP. More sections will be added in time!

Start Here if you don't know where to begin!

Female Presentation ★ Transition

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If you found this guide and don't have any experience yet, chances are you're still unsure about your identity and are looking for some direction. A good goal to have is to be your authentic self, and feel comfortable expressing yourself fully whenever you can.

It's a good idea to set up an appointment with a therapist, since they can provide more individualized care. Try and find one who specializes specifically in gender identity and sees a lot of trans patients. If you have trouble finding a local therapist, or are planning on paying out of pocket and want to save some money, The Wirecutter has a realy great online therapy guide.

If you have no idea if you might be trans, non-binary, or just a crossdresser:

• The way to get answers is through experience, whether it's by proxy or directly. New experiences as the identities you're considering are much more useful to reflect on than your current experiences, although both are useful.
  • If you have a safe environment to experiment with presentation, such as a private room or a cosplay event, start with that, even if it's something small at first. It can be scary, but it's the most direct way of knowing if it's right for you. The presentation guide will help you get started.
  • If you don't have a safe place to try presentation in person, the next best thing is to do it online. It's probably best to make a new username that isn't tied to your real name. VRChat and MMOs are great for this, sometimes social media can also work. If you find it helps, make sure you're still finding a way to present that way in person! It can help you cope for now, but it's unhealthy to rely on it long-term.
  • Anime, manga, TV, movies, and books are also good ways of seeing how things feel, but it's the least direct way. Sometimes things you like in fiction won't be things you like in the real world. Still, if you like self-inserting as female characters, that can be an indication that you should explore those feelings more.
• Sometimes labels can be too confining and can make it feel too much like an all-or-nothing decision. Try and break things down into smaller decisions, ie:
  • Do the effects of hormone therapy sound appealing?
  • Do you want to get rid of body/facial hair?
  • Do I like how my face looks with makeup?
  • Can I try dressing more androgynously? Does it feel more authentic when I do? What about dressing femininely?

If you're just interested in crossdressing, or only want to present female part-time and don't plan on medically transitioning:

• The presentation guide is what you're looking for.
• Some people are definitely happy with this balance, so don't be dissuaded if it works for you, but if you answer yes to any of these questions you might want to consider if fully transitioning would make more sense:
  • Do you find that you can express yourself better when presenting female?
  • If you knew that your coworkers/clients/customers would still take you seriously, would you present female all the time? If so, are there any successful women you could use as a role model?
  • Does the effort behind female presentation feel self-actualizing and liberating, while the effort behind male presentation stems from a pressure to conform?
  • Do you find that you get depressed if you don't present female every now and then?
  • If you knew your family would accept you, would you present female all the time?
  • If you could press a button and wake up fully recovered from all the surgeries you want, would you transition?
  • Would you transition if you weren't afraid of medical complications? If so, have you talked with a doctor to understand how likely that would actually be?
  • Does presenting female feel more authentic, even if your old friends wouldn't see you as a cis female?
  • Would you present female full time if it didn't affect your dating life? Realistically, how much harder would your dating life be?
  • Are you finding that your main reasons for not presenting female full-time are due to practicalities or inconveniences? How many of those would be hard blockers for your life plans? Are those life plans important to you, or are they things you're doing out of social pressure? Would living more authentically help with any of those life plans?

If you're mostly sure you want to medically transition in some way:

• It's okay to have some worries about making the wrong choice. You'll have plenty of time in the first few months to see if it's right for you, the permanent changes don't come for a while. Trust that you'll check in with yourself regularly, and that you'll stop if you decide you don't like it.
• Take a look at the transition guide and set up your appointments as soon as you can. There's usually a pretty long wait to see a doctor, and there's usually some coordination between different professionals involved, so you'll have plenty of chances to cancel if you start to have serious doubts.
• If you haven't already, start reading the presentation guide, it's best to get a head start on it. It'll help you feel a bit more confident about your decision during your first few months of treatment, and by the time the effects become noticable you'll be prepared to socially transition.

This section will introduce you to the different aspects of femme presentation, and will help you find a personal style that you're comfortable with.

Something important to note is that you'll probably dislike the way you look when you're starting out, but try not to let that dissuade you. You might pick something that you like on someone else, but later realize it either doesn't feel right, or it doesn't flatter you. Experimenting is a huge part of this, so it can be helpful to have a healthy attitude towards failure, as well as someone to support you as you're exploring. If you're finding that your negative emotions are paralyzing, reassure yourself that you're doing your best. It can be really tough dealing with the physical constraints of your body, and at times you'll feel like they're impossible to work with, but just know that there are ways of working around them, and the artistry around that will still come across.

Something that can help a lot is finding someone with an online following that has a similar facial or body structure to you. Instagram is really good for this, since you can look through hashtags for styles you like. You can then use it as a reference for what works as you make your way through this section.

In this section we'll go over what goes into female presentation from the neck up. We're going to talk about how makeup and a flattering hairstyle can help you look really cute.

Makeup is the great equalizer, in the sense that it helps people change their physical features to fit how they'd like to present themselves. It works in these three ways:

• it hides imperfections by covering them
• it shifts attention to change facial proportions
• it changes the apparent shape of features with contouring

Even if you have feminine features, makeup can help bring your presentation to the next level, so it's a pretty important skill. Your first few times will be frustrating and will take a lot of time, but with practice you can get it down to 5-10 minutes.

A typical makeup bag should have the following products:

• Foundation that matches your skintone
• Spot concealer
• Primer
• Blush
• Lipstick / Lip Stain
• Brushes (for eyeshadow, blush, optionally powder + eyeliner)
• Beauty Blender
• Dark eyeliner (gel or liquid)
• Mascara
• Eyeshadow Pallette(s)
• Eyelash Curler (if you have straight eyelashes)
• Makeup Remover

Look up tutorials on how to apply each of these products so you can get a general idea of what each product does, and how you'd apply it. For eyeliner and eyeshadow it varies between styles, so it might help to find a tutorial specific to a style of makeup you're interested in. Once you have a better understanding, we can go more into specifics in the next few sections.

When you're ready to start putting together a makeup bag, the first thing you'll want is the core essentials. The Wirecutter has thoroughly tested recommendations for eyeliner, mascara, brushes, and makeup remover that all work really well.

Foundation is a little bit trickier to recommend a specific product for, since everyone has different skintones and coverage needs, but you can drop into most makeup stores and they can help you with picking one that would suit your coverage needs and skintone. If that sounds scary, you can find makeup tutorials from people with similar skin to yours, then order samples of the foundation they use in different shades from ebay or amazon. Once you know it matches your skintone correctly and has the right level of coverage, you can buy the full product. A lot of foundations will have equivalent Maybeline shades you can look up, so once you find a product you like you can figure out matching shades for other products.

Everything else is mostly just dependent on the style of makeup you're going for, so once you have your core products selected, you can start to look at the products that those specific tutorials are recommending. Before we do that though, lets go over some theory so that we can gauge if those tutorials will work for our face.

Usually people who go through a male puberty will have a few challenge areas that they'll need to focus on in order to be gendered female. Let's go over those areas, along with specific makeup techniques that can help.

Taking good care of your skin is important, especially if you're not on hormones, and it's not too hard once you nail down a routine. At worst you won't have to use as heavy of a foundation, and at best you'll be able to skip foundation minus special occasions. If you don't know too much about skincare, that's okay. The Reddit skincareaddition wiki is a great starting point.

Foundation can be pretty important depending on how your skin is, since it evens out your skintone and hides imperfections. It's a must have for photo shoots, since cameras pick up a lot more than what most people can see. It'll also reduce the appearance of shadows by diffusing light.

There's a few different ways of hiding facial hair. The first way is to just use concealer, but sometimes it can make your makeup look cakey. Most people go for color correction instead. The idea is you can use a red pigment to cancel out the blue undertone of facial hair. You can use either a red or orange eyeshadow/lipstick, there's also some products that are made specifically for beard color correction.

Shave as closely as you can, do your typical skincare, apply primer, then apply your pigment of choice to the areas you have stubble. Finally, apply enough foundation for full-coverage on top of the pigment. It'll take some experimenting to get the amount of pigment right, aim for just enough pigment that it hides the blue undertones, but not so much that it makes your skin look red. You might want to use a spot concealer instead of color correction for areas that are particularly dense or tough to cover.

Eye makeup is usually what makes the biggest difference for most people, and should take around half of the total time you put into makeup. Eyes tend to be a focal point, and by strongly emphasizing them, we can reduce the emphasis on features we want to pull attention away from.

Eye makeup is usually pretty dependent on what kind of eye shape you have. This page goes into more detail on this, but knowing which type you have can help you find tutorials that work for you.

Eyeshadow adds most of the emphasis we're looking for. If you have a prominent forehead/brow, you'll want to avoid darker eyeshadows on the upper lid, since they can define your forehead more than it already is. Instead, opt to use lighter colors in that area. If you want something simple, applying a small patch of a bolder color on the outer corners of your eye is quick and gets the job done.

Bringing out your lashes also makes a big difference. The most essential tool for this is dark eyeliner, which puts emphasis on your upper lash line and can optionally give you a nice defining wing. To emphasize our lashes, we can either use mascara or false lashes. If your eyelashes are longer, you can usually just use mascara and call it a day. But if you're finding it's not enough, or you just want a more dramatic look for cosplay, false lashes are great. The downside is they're kind of annoying and can fall off, so it might not be practical for daily wear.

Optionally, using a white eyeliner on your bottom lash line and on the inner corners of your eyes can really make them pop. Using a metallic white pencil is best for this kind of thing, a lot of cosplayers use this to make their eyes appear larger.

Women tend to have higher BMIs than men, so this is usually an area that can differ a lot. Women tend to have rounder, fuller cheeks. If you don't have a lot of facial fat, making your blush more prominent can help a ton. It can add dimension to your cheeks so they don't come across as sunken. If you have a larger jaw, that added dimension can also make your jaw appear smaller proportionally to your cheeks.

A lot of people like gravitating towards bolder lipsticks when starting out, but if it's not your most flattering feature, you should use toned-down colors. For most, bolder lip color will only work if you balance it with bold eye makeup. There's ways of doing a gradient type look to add dimensionality to your lips, but the way you do it is dependent on the makeup style.

Having well shaped eyebrows can really help frame your face better. If you have really thick eyebrows, it can attract attention towards your forehead and overshadow your eye makeup. It's pretty cheap to go to an eyebrow place to get them shaped regularly, and honestly it helps with male presentation too. You can find good places in your area on Yelp. A lot of guys get them done, so it's nothing to feel weird about. If you're too self conscious though, or you just don't like your base eyebrow shape, there's tutorials for covering them with gluestick or pros-aide so you can draw eyebrows on instead. Assist Cosplay also has products for concealing eyebrows.

There's a few heuristics you'll want to follow when selecting a hairstyle which frames your face well:

• If your forehead is prominent, you should go for a hairstyle with bangs
• If your hairline has a masculine M shape, you should also go for a hairstyle with bangs
• If your face is longer, your hairstyle should have sidelocks that can help break that vertical length up
• If your face is too round, sidelocks can help frame it better
• If your face is very square, having a hairstyle with volume can help make it seem more round. If your hair is very flat you can use product to solve that.

The easiest way to experiment is to start with wigs. You can get ones in different styles, and see which ones work best for your face. You probably shouldn't buy an expensive natural hair wig at first, getting a few cheaper cosplay wigs will be enough to give you an idea of which styles work and which don't. Just make sure they have enough volume, some cosplay wigs don't have that and aren't very flattering. The higher quality cosplay wigs people generally recommend are from Epic Cosplay, Arda Wigs, and Eva Hair. You might need to trim the bangs on them, this tutorial shows you a few different ways of cutting them.

For getting your real hair styled, try and splurge a little bit on a nice hair stylist if you can. They can help you figure out a style that frames your face well, Yelp is a good place to find solid ones. If they have a good star rating chances are they won't be judgemental, and you can look at photos of their past work to see if you like the styles they specialize in. After that you can go back to a more affordable hair stylist that can maintain it, but at first it helps to pay a little more for someone else's expertise. Definitely tell the stylist you're explicitly looking for a feminine haircut, mention the things bulleted above if they apply to you, and feel free to bring reference photos if there's a specific style you like.

Face is usually the thing that people worry about the most, and although there's a lot to learn, it can be a really big confidence boost once you figure out something that works for you. It can be uncomfortable starting out since you probably won't look great at first, but be kind to yourself. Everyone has flaws and makes mistakes when starting out, don't let a perfectly curated set of photos on social media make you lose sight of that. The only thing that matters is that you're doing your best, and in time you'll figure it all out.

Voice is probably one of the least documented parts of transition and can be really confusing. This guide should break it down into some simple steps that along with practice will help you speak with a feminine voice.

A quick note on safety: Please please please listen to any pain you're experiencing. Some muscle fatigue/burning will be normal during practice, but if your throat ever feels raw, swollen or irritated please take a break and drink some water. Usually those feelings are a sign that you're doing something wrong. Pushing through it could injure your voice and halt a lot of the progress you could be making!

Girl voice is all about constricting airways in two places: the larynx and near the the back of the throat. Everyone has the ability to block those passageways off, like when you hold your breath or swallow. The hard part is gaining the dexterity and stamina to do it consistently and sustainably.

Anecdotally, I can attest that people with very low ranges can still pull off a convincing female voice. There are girls with voices that dip into what could be considered a "male" range, and you can get up to that pitch fairly easily. The more important part is shaping the sound correctly. And if high range is something you really want (ie for soft loli asmr) there's a way you can fake it.

There's two main techniques that go into girl voice that we'll go over quickly.

If you've ever watched the Disney movie Lilo and Stitch, female voice uses a lot of the same techniques that go into that, just more toned down and with a different nuance. It might help to find tutorials on the voice as a supplement to this.

Your larynx is the thing that holds your vocal cords tight, and is where your adam's apple juts out of. When it raises, the range of pitches you can hit goes up. For girl voice we want to keep it in a higher position, which we can do by building up muscle strength.

To do girl voice we need to make the opening in the back of our throat smaller. We can do this with our tongue by raising it and pushing it to the back of our mouth.

The other part is raising the soft palate. The soft palate starts where the hard bone ends in the roof of your mouth, and extends all the way back into your throat. You can feel the back end of it vibrating when you snore. When yawning it raises, making your voice sound more open and loud. For girl voice, we want to raise it while speaking to get a toned down version of that quality.

These are the two techniques that go into shaping our voice. When speaking in the right pitch, the shaping is what will differentiate our voice as female, as opposed to just a high pitched male voice.

The muscles you'll need for this are engaged when you swallow, and if you place your hand on your throat while swallowing, you'll be able to feel your larynx go up. Try and keep those neck muscles engaged at your larynx's highest point, while still being relaxed enough to breathe and make sound. Make sure you're relaxing the muscles that connect from your larynx to your chest, and are only tensing up the muscles that run from your larynx to your upper neck. One of those muscles connects to the back of the jaw, so you might need to tense your jaw up a bit.

First, practice raising the soft palate. You can do this by yawning, and keeping those muscles engaged after the yawn ends. Another way is to make an "aaah" vowel sound, like when you're at the doctor's office, and then engage those muscles in the soft palate as much as you can. You'll want to experiment with how raised it is to find the sweet spot for the pitch you're using. Usually you'll need it to be more raised for higher pitches.

Once you have that down, raise your tongue up to the top of your molars, keeping the middle part tensed to keep it flat. Then pull your tongue back a bit, so it's closer to the opening in the back of your throat. Your tongue makes a similar shape when you make an "eh" sound. More or less you'll be shifting any tongue movement slightly towards that "eh" shape.

Experiment with that arrangement until you get something that sounds female when vocalizing in a higher pitch. A lot of it is trial and error, but once you get one voice nailed down you can build off of that experience to figure out one that you like more.

Once you have the muscle memory of that all down, you should start practicing speaking at the same time. It's going to feel awkward because your attention will be divided between which muscles feel engaged, how it's sounding in your head, and thinking of the next words you want to say, but in time it becomes second nature. It might help to read something you enjoy out loud so you won't have as much to think about while practicing. To solidify the muscle memory it can help to try and aim for a higher pitch at first, then slowly move it down to something more comfortable. That way you don't need to worry about dipping into too low of a range by accident.

The last thing we need is female mannerisms that fit the way our voice sounds. This is pretty straightforward once you have everything else down. Some ways you can do this:

• Spend time around girl friends and pick up the mannerisms you like from them
• Save voice clips of a youtuber/twitch streamer whose voice you like + imitate it
• Watch shows with female characters, and actively listen for vocal ticks you can mimic

You'll want to find ways to consistently practice and experiment, otherwise you won't make much progress and may lose motivation. Try and work it into your life as much as you can, some good times would be while doing housework, during a commute, in the shower or before bed. Reading things aloud, acting out scenarios in your head, or repeating nonsense phrases are all good, you don't necessarily need to use the weird rainbow sentence all the speech therapists love to force people to recite. Immersing yourself in voice work will give you steady progress, but again be careful not overstrain yourself.

If you don't already know, falsetto is the "mickey mouse" voice. It lets you hit a higher range than normal, but sounds really thin and weak. If you do falsetto with the shaping we described before, it does a good job of masking the thinness of it. It's a bit different from what you'd use for speaking since the pitch is higher, you'll need to open up your soft palate a lot more. You shouldn't go into falsetto when speaking, but if you're singing and need to hit a note outside of your range, or you want to pull off that cute loli voice in VRChat, this would be how you'd fake it.

• http://lena.kiev.ua/voice/
• https://docs.google.com/document/d/1j_-8dndFzKTX0xBSF15ZEJWdw958ryh0IPKq1sz8p04/ (this one has a really good FAQ)

• https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCBYlEnfAUbrYSwF0VujcmHA
• https://youtu.be/tVcvMk-OSwk
• https://youtu.be/610XcjG2jms
• https://youtu.be/dZKzuVfUv3E
• https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=adW9QX4CaH4&list=PLq0kH-HMIBYkOWcKZcuWlRPHZf6hJpOzl
• Soft Palate
  • https://youtu.be/z0q1QiMN1-s
  • https://youtu.be/QyxwAUSUDes

• Singing
  • https://youtu.be/ucbx9we6EHk
  • https://youtu.be/ZCMxEkbPaPY
  • https://youtu.be/cAi7F_GdHtQ
  • https://youtu.be/9p3g0AMxR1k?t=88
  • https://youtu.be/1s8qI_8pom8
  • https://youtu.be/f2mv00MP6sQ
  • https://youtu.be/FGZqJpRU0N8
  • https://youtu.be/JEz1qGS0T1Q
  • Ataru Nakamura
    • https://youtu.be/zPQS55Y3Vds
    • https://youtu.be/p80isEAhAig

In this section, we're going to be covering all the things needed to go from just crossdressing part-time to being female full-time.

Everyone's transition is different, and you might not want to do everything mentioned in this part, and that's okay. If you're still figuring things out, hopefully this guide along with personalized care from a therapist can help lead you in the right direction.

We'll be covering everything including questioning, medical treatment options, social transition, mental health, and life post-transition.

• https://youtu.be/MJ-8ocmtb_8

Dealing with uncertainty can be really difficult, and questioning is no different. For some it's arguably the hardest part, it's not too uncommon for people to spend years questioning before finally transitioning. Hopefully you get a little closer to your personal truth after reading this.

The tricky part about this question is that it tends to point us in the wrong direction when trying to find an answer. When we're first starting to question, it's hard to confidently say "Yes, I'm trans, and here's why." We don't have any experiences or proof to back a statement like that up, just a bunch of vague feelings that we haven't explored. The best way to get to a place of confidence is through experience.

The end goal should be to find some places where you feel socially secure presenting female. This gives you the chance to spend time with your feelings, and get to know them better. It'll also help you get experience interacting with others as a woman which is another helpful data point.

At first you'll probably just dress up in the privacy of your home, just to practice female presentation. Over time you might start putting yourself out there online, where it's still somewhat anonymous, but you can have some human contact and get feedback on how you're doing. Then when you're feeling more confident, you might want to go see people in person, like at an LGBT or cosplay event.

As you're doing all of this, just evaluate your feelings and see if any of it is helping you express yourself more comfortably. You might feel like a fake girl at first, since it's still an identity you're still trying to solidify. But as you gain more experience with that presentation, you'll have a lot more information to base your decision off of. You'll know if it feels natural or not, or if there's something that doesn't feel right about it. From there, you'll likely be able to decide if it's time to transition, and can weigh the pros and cons a bit better.

Usually the biggest hang-ups we have are ones we create. In order to cope with the gravity of our situation, we latch on to the easiest "common-sense" conclusion without actually searching for the truth. "I'll never be pretty, I was born male." "My friends will feel awkward around me." "My dating pool will shrink, there's less gay girls than straight girls."

The problem though, is that these are almost always complete oversimplifications that we don't even have a basis for. These thoughts might comfort us from the burden of finding true answers, and lead us to the easy route of not transitioning, but they don't help us escape the emotional hole we've fallen into.

If our thoughts are binding us instead of helping us, we need to learn how to untangle them. We need a strategy for figuring out what uncertainties we have based on our negative thoughts, and how we can become more certain of their answers.

A good way of doing this is by keeping some kind of note that you can edit from your phone/computer/etc. As you encounter unproductive thoughts, add them to this note. When you're in a clearer mental state, re-read it and try and answer these two questions: What uncertainty am I dealing with, and how will I figure out the real answer? Here's an example to give you an idea of how it could look:

Whenever one of those feelings pop back up, take a look at what you've written in the list, and hopefully it'll help diffuse those feelings over time. Once you've dealt with all the negative feelings that have accumulated over time, you'll find it much easier to diffuse new unproductive thoughts you might run into.

Transition isn't one big decision, it's a series of small choices you make every day. Taking hormones, presenting female, and practicing voice are things you're actively deciding to do regularly, and as long as you're checking in with yourself to see if it's helping, there's little risk. You can always stop if any of it feels wrong.

Feel free to take a look at Female Presentation if you're interested. In the next parts we'll go into more detail about the various aspects of transition.

• https://amitrans.org (links to really good articles will appear after a few seconds)
• [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8QScpDGqwsQ](Neuro-biology of trans-sexuality : Prof. Robert Sapolsky), great lecture about the biological basis of trans-sexuality

Most of the healthcare you'll run into will follow the WPATH standards of care. At the time of writing, this involves going to a therapist who specializes in LGBT issues, getting a letter of approval for hormones, and going to an endo that specializes in trans care. This is to ensure that the patient is of sound mind, and that they won't regret the permanent aspects of HRT.

This might be difficult to track down, usually your closest city's LGBT center will have a list of people they can refer you to. If that doesn't work, sometimes you can use your insurance's provider search to track someone down. If you live in the southern US, Southern Equality has a map for finding caregivers.

If a therapist/endo is cost prohibitive, or the one you have is overly gatekeep-y for no good reason, this is your next safest option.

If you live in the US, this reddit post has a full list of informed consent clinics, which will order bloodwork and write prescriptions for you.

Another alternative is GALAP, which can get you a letter to give to an endocrinologist.

If you need to hide things from transphobic family/housemates, here's some tips.

If you're worried about bills getting sent to your house, you can get a PO Box at the post office, or a cheap virtual mailbox service such as Anytime Mailbox or USA2Me.

If you use a parent's insurance, they will likely get an invoice, but your endo might be able to bill it under something discrete such as "Polyglandular Dysfunction".

The people you live with will likely not notice much of a change since they see you everyday, but as things progress it might become difficult. If possible, try and figure out some way of becoming independent, this way you can safely come out without fear of retaliation.

This should be your absolute last resort, only do this if you've exhausted the other options and it's either DIY or suicide. Endocrinology is complicated, and it's not uncommon for things to go wrong. Anecdotally, spiro wasn't enough to get my T down so I needed to take progesterone, which led to a thyroid issue. Things become even more complex if you're currently going through puberty, so again please do your research if you go this route.

Resources:

• https://www.reddit.com/r/TransDIY/wiki/index
• https://hrt.cafe/

When you're on HRT, it's very common to gain weight. If you haven't had to think much about your diet before, it might be helpful to start learning about the basics like caloric restriction so you only gain a healthy amount of weight.

Sometimes weight gain is a good thing if you're already underweight, but keep in mind that rapid weight gain in a short amount of time could lead to stretch marks. Make sure you're taking care of your skin if you're experiencing this! Some common treatment options (besides staying hydrated) would be retinoid cream, laser therapy, and glycolic acid. Your dermatologist or GP may have better suggestions.